Greg Crites (The Hack) is the author of at least 14 hilarious novels. His best book is Global Swarming because his co-author is not only a brilliant humorist, but also witty and gorgeous. That would be me. Go over to veinarmor.com and buy his books. You’ll thank me. Start with Global Swarming and don’t be shy. I bet you know dozens of people who would like a copy.
Greg and I are pals for life, but I haven’t heard much from him lately. He’s a busy man, chock full of ideas, sardines, and Captain Morgan. I did notice he left me a message on Twitter which said:
Didn’t you get the pic I emailed of me wielding a vacuum attachment while cavorting in a Krauthammer unitard?
I can only imagine that particular image putting me off my Macon for life (I love bacon so much I give each individual slice a name) and was relieved the email didn’t show up. I assumed Greg had been messing with me.
It turns out the men in my life are actively attempting to send me into therapy. Greg’s email appeared in my spam folder, proving Yahoo can occasionally send crap to the right place. Once I recovered from my initial shock and guffaw, I realized why he doesn’t write or call.
Greg Crites has taken on the Herculean task of cleaning up America. We should be ashamed for falling into the three categories this heroic writer has avoided.
1) Too lazy to clean up America. (Don’t kill my buzz. Are there any Doritos left?)
2) Too apathetic to clean up America. (I could care less if America is beginning to look and smell like the skid marks on my jockeys. Leave me alone.)
3) Too delusional to clean up America. (Look at America! She looks like she just came out of the box, brand-spanking new! I wonder how much she’s worth on eBay?)
On behalf of the unwashed masses, I’d like to thank Greg Crites. He’s a great American – even wearing that unitard.