At this particular moment in time there are three people I admire more than anyone else on the planet.

The first is President Barack Obama.  Now there’s a man who has to put up with a lot of shit from everyone from Congress, to crackpot dictators who slaughter their own people, to power-mad, overweight, lying drug addicts.  Yeah, I’m talking about you, Rush Limbaugh.  Obama handles an unbelievable amount of pressure with grace, charm and wit.  You know what I’d be doing if I were in his position?  Sobbing.  Wetting my pants.  More sobbing.  Kicking things.  Cursing.  Did I mention sobbing?

The second person I admire the most is Michelle Obama.  I think being the wife of the President of the United States is the shittiest job imaginable.  The First Lady always has to appear in public wearing makeup and her legs always have to be shaved.  Or waxed.  Probably waxed since she can afford it.  She has to brush her hair.  Every day!  There’s no way she can sneak into the White House kitchen and eat half a coconut cream pie with a spoon and chase it with a six-pack of beer.  That shit would be all over Fox News in nothing flat.  (Damn you, White House whistleblowers!)  She has to constantly interact with other human beings instead of six cats.  She can’t get away with calling Ann Coulter a badly dressed, anorexic bitch.  (White House whistleblowers, move along to the halls of Congress, would you?)  Like her husband, the First Lady handles all this pressure in a manner that makes me ashamed of myself when I put a voodoo curse on a rude customer.  (Okay, that’s a lie.  I’m never ashamed when I pull out a voodoo curse on someone who deserves it, but I do wish I could handle pressure as well as Michelle Obama.)

The third person I admire the most is my good friend and co-author Jeni Decker.  Jeni has two autistic sons and handles a difficult situation far better than I ever could.  She’s raised my awareness about autism while making me laugh my fat ass completely off.  (Oh, how I wish that were true!)  Jeni will drop what she’s doing when I come up with a bizarre Photoshop request and she never judges me because I choose to be a computer end user.  She always goes along with my craziest ideas.  For instance, when I told her we should send Barack Obama a copy of Waiting for Karl Rove, she did it.  We’re now on the Secret Service’s watch list, but not in a good way, i.e. Chunky Prostitutes for Hire – Fees Negotiable.

When I asked her to listen endlessly to Insane Clown Posse while making a video, here’s what happened.

Attack Karl Rove Ad

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